I Could've Loved You
by lightboot
Summary: [UPDATED] Sometimes Ziio thinks Haytham will make a good father. Sometimes, she thinks not. Haytham remembers Ziio and wonders if he could've loved Connor as a son.
1. Part 1: Ziio

_Part 1: Ziio_

I could've loved you, Haytham. I could've.

The stability in your arms, the smile on your lips, the history in your eyes. But I saw the hard determination in your fists the first time we met, and I understood. You could never love me.

Still, I think of you sometimes. And I surprise myself with how much I remember of you. I remember the blues of your robe and your hawk-like hat. I remember thinking that you must be a sign of change. A messenger of the gods. A guardian of the earth and her children. I remember thinking that you must be the answer to our red-coated problems. But now I think I was only selfish. And blind. You weren't the answer to our problems, only the bringer.

Maybe I still think too kindly of you, but sometimes I think that you also brought some good. Like my son, Ratonhnhaké:ton. Yes, **_my_** son, because I am too afraid to associate him with you. I am too afraid that if my people discover the truth, they will cast him out. A Kanien'kehá:ka* is no one without his tribe. You understand, don't you? Maybe one day, when the sun sets on this world, he may call you _'father'_. I think you will like it.

Sometimes I think of what we will be like as a family. Maybe you will live with us in Kanatehséton*. But I think not. You will stay in Boston or New York or London. You are an ambitious man. Filled with the future. You've killed out of blind ambition and bloodthirsty power. You will not make a good father. And my son will not walk down that same path. Ratonhnhaké:ton will choose the one you did not choose. One day, Haytham, both your paths will cross and I think he will bring you many troubles.

Will you remember me then? Will you look at my son and see me in his eyes? Will you think of me and stay your hand? Will you remember our time together? They were the happiest days of my life. Also the stupidest. I was naive. And you were desperate. And I knew nothing about you.

But now I do.

I _am_ sorry, Haytham. If it were a different time and we were different people, I could've loved you.

_-Fin._

Notes

Kanien'kehá:ka - also known as the **Mohawk** ; Connor's people

Kanatehséton - a Kanien'kehá:ka village ; Connor's village


	2. Part 2: Haytham

_Part 2: Haytham_

Ziio, I've seen him for myself.

When Charles came to me about a boy who bore your necklace, I thought it chance. Sixteen years on, now I am convinced that boy is my son. _**Your**_ son. I am not so proud to claim him as my own. I know my place.

Still, it's strange. How our brief alliance has birthed a son with whom I will cross swords with. I never thought it possible. I thought that sixteen years would be time enough to sever the present from the past. It seems I was wrong. Time only serves to deal us the consequences of our actions.

When your village burned, and you with it, I could not grieve. My enemies and the Order would see it weakness. But I allowed myself a brief moment of memory. Memory of the wit of your tongue, of the soft of your touch. Memory of you walking away. Would the consequences have been different if I asked you to stay? Perhaps you would've left anyway. Or, you would've given me another chance. But that matters little now. What matters now is the boy.

He has your eyes, Ziio. But the nose and mouth of a Kenway. He swears like a pirate*, but in his eyes is the same stubborn conviction in yours. They tell me his name is Connor.

I tried to have him killed – thinking that perhaps his death would also be the death of my fondness for you. But when they dropped the floor under his legs and the rope caught around his neck, I acted as a father for once. I saved his life.* I do not know why. If I had let him hang that day, my troubles with him would be over. Perhaps it was dissatisfaction, then. Dissatisfaction that my son and enemy should die in such an unworthy manner. Perhaps I was giving him a second chance to prove himself. But my actions have dug my own grave. Connor will try to kill me.

I could've loved him, you know. If it were not for his abominable creed and his insufferable ignorance. His strength and courage is admirable. And sometimes I see myself when I look at him. I wish I could turn him to my cause. Perhaps then, our strife will be over. Perhaps then, we can finally understand each other – man and man, father and son. But it is too late now. We will never see eye to eye.

I _am_ sorry, Ziio. Sixteen years ago, I could've loved you. Sixteen years ago, I could've loved Connor too.

_-Fin._

Notes

*_He swears like a pirate_ - Easter egg! Technically Connor doesn't swear. But allow me this moment of poetry to insert Edward's legacy plzkthxbai.

*_I saved his life_ - Spoiler alert from _Assassins Creed: Forsaken_! Apparently it was Haytham who severed the rope when Charles Lee hung Connor. The game was vague enough to not show us exactly what happened, only letting us assume that it was the assassins who cut Connor free.


End file.
